Do you ever just want to write and not know what to say, or how to put into words exactly what you are thinking? Perhaps, you are wanting to be completely honest...raw and opened up...but at the very moment it comes time to hit the publish button on your blog...you draw back, second guessing every word you've written; hoping that when you put yourself out there--- there isn't a mass exodus and all of your followers jump ship never to return?
I'm having that sort of time lately when it comes to blogging. I make no apologies for how often I come here to blog; because after all I blog without obligation. I'm not a big huge blog that has paid advertisers waiting on my next post, so that their ad can be seen X- amount of times. I don't host a party...it's just me, sharing my life.
What I do know...is I want my blog to be a representation of ME. I want to be able to look at my blog and say... I have come here and shared myself with you. I don't think I've done that. I don't think I've shared my real self with you. I don't know that I've shared my REAL FAITH with you.
Don't get me wrong, there have been times when I've shared a family crisis with you and during those times, I've shared my faith. But on the whole--- I've left that part of my life out of blogging.
I do know... I like blogging. I don't love blogging. But I've treated it as though I love it; and LOVE AIN'T GOT NOTHING TO DO WITH IT.
I can't help but wonder...
What are people looking for when they come to read my blog? What are we looking for when we come to read ANYONE'S blog? Are you always looking for happy, good times? Are you always looking for some witty banter? Exciting projects?
When I read a blog...I think I want to read a genuine post about how life really is for you.
I will read your blog with the same anticipation whether I'm reading about your new 'vintage' find, new room arrangement...your first pumpkin growing experience...or the latest fail, crisis or tragedy. I will read it all the same. I will try and not judge. I am human.
I have left my True Love, that is Christ Jesus, out of my blog. For that dear reader, I apologize...and sincerely ask your forgiveness. Has it affected you in how you perceive me, the author of this blog? I don't know. It HAS affected me. Going on 3 years now... I've seen myself drawing back, drawing back from sharing my faith, drawing back from my God... this is so hard to write; but it is true. My faith is in crisis... without a better way of putting it. I must return to it...to Him. If I'm not adamant in sharing my faith...then I'm not being completely honest with you. I'm not being obedient to Christ either.
Without faith it is impossible to please God.
Sorry if this post seems less than joyful to you...but without Christ there is no Joy.
Thank you dear readers....
fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. ~Hebrews 12:2