I am a care taker.
I was a homemaker after I got married. Staying home and being there when “ Ward” walked through the door.
I stayed home and tended to his children first, then after 4 years of marriage—I began tending to OUR children. By the time my first was six—It was decided I’d Home School the children. Taking care of the house, home (atmosphere) and home schooling—I became engrossed in CARING.
As the children became older; I became more and more involved in Church, Home School Support…and Home. But along the way—some of my own interests died off.
After the kids were “out of the house” I said—I’d have time to do the things I wanted to do. But instead there were other things going on with family. People needed taking care of—My Dad, for instance. My mom has been gone for 15 years (yep! I took care of her before she passed) Then I took care of my youngest daughter and helped with her family after Easton was born—she was a young mom, with a 2 year old and a very sick baby. Her husband worked to make ends meet so that she could be there for her boys—but she needed her momma.
My Mother in Love came to stay with us; often. That’s when we found out she had Colon Cancer and not long to live. I took care of her—until her last breath left her body… she passed right here in this room where I write this post. (5 YEARS AGO YESTERDAY)
Grieving, my husband decided to retire on his birthday—just 6 weeks after his mother passed. After one and half years of retirement—he had his heart attack and stroke. I have cared for him. He’s improved—and I thank God he is here—and we cherish the moments, the life that is happening here.
All of this Care Taking—has left very little time to
A.) take care of myself
B.) Fan the Flames of who I am!
I’m going to be 50 years old in 5 months… and I have no idea what I really like to do! I love crafting. I know this. I love learning to sew. (who do I sew for? the grandkids) I love crocheting… (who do I crochet for? Needy children in foreign countries) I like putzing around the house… but honestly, most days I Wander Aimlessly. Not sure how to spend my days.I’m not even sure how I want to decorate our home anymore. I have things that are handed down—from all those who have gone on before us! AND! I have books that haven’t been read… Good Books! GREAT BOOKS… I mean books on THE GREAT BOOKS LIST.Please don’t think I’m writing this for pity or to SELF AGGRANDIZE. No. that’s the last thing I want. You see? writing this past month has shown me something. In spite of all these things--- I still am very much a Care Taker. At the rate I’m going I may never find out who I really am…
or who I want to be when I grow up!
But I have 31 days of Notes To Selfie— to reflect upon, and maybe grow a little and take care of myself too! :)
P.S. I wouldn't change ONE second of any of this... in case you were wondering! ;)
‘Til next time, Be Blessed!
Patricia
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"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go." ~Joshua 1:9
6 comments:
I understand you completely. I, too, am a caretaker...and always will be...and, like you, I still wonder what I am going to be "someday"....lol God bless- xo Diana
You are a very special person to care like that. You have been through so much I hope you take more time for yourself somewhere in the aimless wandering in the house. I thought I was the only one? God bless you.
You are a person who selflessly gives of herself to others and that is a rare trait. What a lovely person you are. But it's important to also take care of yourself by finding time to nurture the things that you enjoy. You should take a class outside the house in something new that you'd like to try.
What is a piece of fabric whilst still on the cutting table? What is a knitted piece whilst wound around the needle? What is a seed whilst in the nut? What is a child whilst in school? What is a story before the epilogue?
You are definitely a giver! And Caretaker is a good description of all you have done and still do for others. I think as women it is hard for us to ever put ourselves FIRST. It just doesn't seem natural to so many of us. But, it is good to explore who we are and venture outward to see who we might be. Always a caretaker, your photography and writing are another element to your being, Pat. There is never shame in letting our light shine. As we sang in Sunday School ~ we should never hide our light under a bushel!! It is something that many of us are just not very good at. But, as long as we enjoy the role of caretaker and are appreciated, it isn't anything to ever ever apologize for. But taking time for ourselves to let our light shine is good for our soul as well. You are an amazing lady!!
You know you are a caretaker, which by definition means you are not self-focused. That is who you are. That is who we are all supposed to be! Some of us just do it easier and maybe better than others.
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