Monday, March 23, 2015

:: Getting Hung up on the Details



Who pardons all your iniquities,  ~ Psalm 103:3

There are times when I think I’d like to write.

Not just here on my blog—but write stories.  The problem is- I’m a stickler for details when it comes to story telling.  I can go either way with the details.  I want the details , I need the details… yet, sometimes I forget the details!  A mystery novel… forget it!  I get hung up on details and just when I think I’ve got it figured out—the details are what trip me up, and keep me confused!

I’m pretty much an open book or so I thought. 

I’m not very pretentious.I talked frankly to my kids about all the sticky subjects -  I didn’t need a public service announcement telling me to Talk to my kids they’ll listen. When it came to all the bad things out there in life--- I opened up to them.  I gave them an account of my experience.  I spared some of the details. 


That only made them more curious.  Kids are nosey. Some kids don’t just settle for a little information either; no, they know when you’ve given them a lame answer.

I used to write journals when I was young. After I married, I continued…and there were some entries I wrote and blathered on and on… I wrote volumes.

Sometimes, I poured out my heart into my journal, a young married woman—with no one to talk to while my husband was away, at work.  I would write my pipe dreams.  I would write my angry words. Hurt feelings. Jealous thoughts.  Discontentment spilled out onto the pages.  

My tears filled some pages.

One day- I destroyed those books.  I was released from the hold some of those words had on me. Looking back- I wish I hadn’t destroyed them.  I’d like to read them again, not to recapture those moments or feelings; not to rehash.   I’d  read them again—to see how far God has brought me.

Years later I began writing a gratitude journal. I grew and I changed.  I changed my words to praises, my words became prayers and THANK YOU’s. 

In that journal—I left out details.  Important details.  I wish I’d not done that.  Why?  Because, I think that I missed an opportunity then to recall God’s hand, now.

Some days I want to sit down and tell you some of the crazy things that have happened to me along life’s journey.  What stops me is the motivation behind it.  I get scared. What will people think? Will people walk away from me?  Will they judge?  I know I shouldn’t care about what people think.  I shouldn’t live my life in such a way that is pleasing to people;  but only to One.  JESUS should be my motivation. Is this story going to make a difference and effect change in someone’s life—and if so will that change be positive or negative. 


I don’t get to choose that.  God chooses that. He knows all the details, whether I tell them or not—and He’s forgiven me. Pardoned me. Removed all those things from me.  The only way I can tell a story with great detail about my Life before Christ—would be if it truly and genuinely Honored the LORD God. 

I’m not sure how to do that—I get hung up on the details.

‘Til next time, Bless the LORD~



NanaDiana said...

Pat, I journaled for years and years, too. A few years ago I also destroyed those journals. I didn't want my kids to come across them someday and judge someone else based on what I thought of them....or to feel bad for me----or to relive sad..and or bad...times that I went through. Those journals kind of had a hold on me in a way and once they were gone I was freed on some level.

I wanted to look forward and let go of the sadness and/or angst that had held me captive at different times in my life.

Hope you have a great week. This was a wonderful post here. xo Diana

Debbie said...

Pat, the fact that you want to write about your life before Christ, maybe it is God urging you to share how He can help others. If you speak truthfully, from the heart and with Jesus by your side, how can you go wrong, hon?

Just my two cents worth :) And I loved your post....

A Daughter of the King said...

Therein lies your book: your story.

Revi said...

I'm sure you would read the books and not hardly recognize yourself or remember writing them. You are a new creation! Yes, some might judge - it's what we do in human skin - even when we don't want to sometimes. Others might be inspired and encouraged! You have your priorities straight, and even if you never post the gory details, this article glorified God. : )

My Repurposed Life said...

I have never been one to journal--Jamie bought me a book once where I was suppose to fill in the blanks, and it sits on the shelf unfinished. I do keep a little diary (calendar) now for 3 years. Jamie also gave me that one. It's perpetual, so each night I can see what I was doing last year, and 2 years ago. I like that.
I'm saddened that you destroyed the books. That's something I would never do, because it would all be who I am and who I was.

keep on writing, I love reading your thoughts.


Alex M said...

Your blog is a journal! I was always miserable at journaling but a blog gives you a different sort of platform and it really serves the same purpose. So keep on blogging! It keeps me honest...

Shug said...

Great post.......

Linda @ Itsy Bits And Pieces said...

I have never been able to journal for just that reason...I never wanted to write anything bad that my family would read when I am gone. I never could find the balance...maybe a memoir would work. I do have one of those books where they prompt you with questions about your life, I want to tell those stories...